The Cookie-Cutter Girl

I'm not perfect.
Nor will I ever be.
Nor do I expect to magically develop this technique over time.

I don't know what you were hoping for when you decided to have kids back in 1988, but I am not her.
I'm sorry if I'm not the daughter you expected. I disappoint you, I can tell.

All I can give you is what I have provided you with these last 20 years. With time, I'll learn more about life and grow... But right now, in this moment, this is all I can offer you:

A curly haired girl who has a lot of ambition. A person who likes to smile and see the positive side of most situations, but often hides her feelings when she is feeling otherwise. A girl that goes to school everyday, studies hard and is proud of the work that she contributes in and outside of school. A girl who stands up for what she believes in, but is frail. A girl who lacks confidence. A person who cares more for other people than she does herself. A girl who loves the people in her life; her family (friends included) and will do anything for them.

Everyday I think to myself, shouldn't I be trying to do things to make you happy? Instead, my goal is to keep you from getting upset with me. I am constantly walking on eggs shells and double or triple checking things so I don't toy with your routine.

I look forward to the day that you utter the words "I Love You" and I know that you actually mean it, because right now... I'm not sure.

Ten Things...

...that made me happy this week:

1) Finishing my group project (Communication Audit on H&M) and doing our presentation. We won the "People's Choice" award (also known as the Medicoff Challenge). I'm so proud us! I have never been so lucky to work with such a talented group of individuals

2) Driving to school on Tuesday. I know this seems like a ridiculous concept, but I really enjoyed playing my favorite songs, driving as the sun was coming up and getting to school early

3) Mondays & Wednesdays. My breaks with James are always a riot!

4) My class finishing early yesterday and getting the chance to go for breakfast with my Comm 210 buddies (minus Dany). We had such a good time! I'm gonna miss not seeing them every Wednesday morning

5) Buying tickets for the John Mayer concert. I am so happy that Selina wanted to go with me again! "Some day I'll fly, some day I'll soar!"

6) Getting my Christmas bonus this morning... although it's already spent on a train pass, Microeconomics tutoring sessions and a John Mayer ticket. Hehehe!

7) Helping Alex study last night at Tim Hortons. His smiling face as he was getting the answers right seriously made my week.

8) Laughing with Tamara. This girl has such a glowing personality, I love her for it.

9) Noticing that the numbers on the scale are slowly decreasing... Yes!

10) This moment right now: Having the house to myself while listening to music. Sometimes enjoying the day alone, can be so soothing.

February 17

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword
Like punching underwater
You never can hit who you trying for
Some need the exhibition
Some have to know their trying
It's the chemical weapon for the war
That's raging on inside"

I can't wait.

Laughter is the BEST medicine...

The security guard is staring at us, but we don't care, we laugh on.
It's funny how the simplest things in life can bring you the most joy. From watching my best friend choke on a mango-chunk in his Jugo Juice to the idea of speed dating, having a break at school is always amusing.

Mondays and Wednesday rock for these reasons, and I am definitely going to miss them next semester.

Too much laughing.
I love it.

Dear Mystery Readers

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people who have:

1) Stuck by me through everything
2) Been semi-absent, but I still know care
3) Allowed me to learn and grow as a person. You have made me realize how much I appreciate the people in the first two categories.

This is Me.

I'm doing it.
I'm keeping track of my process, making goals for myself and I actually feel like I am accomplishing something.
I feel happier. I am going to be one of those people that will get lost in an old pair of jeans and feel comfortable in my own skin.
I've lost 5 pounds, and I am going to keep going.

Low Battery

5%...
Lately I have been feeling like a bad friend. A couple of key people have asked me to hang out but I can't because of homework. It's ridiculous how the last couple of weeks of school really does consume your life.
4%...
I have about three weeks of school left, and then exams start. The holiday season is right around the corner, and I couldn't be more excited.
3%...
I can't believe it. It has gone by so fast! It was like one day I was waking up, taking the train to come to school and now I am almost done my first semester... it is so crazy how fast time has passed.
2%...
Shit, I really should be heading to class right now.
1%...
My laptop is going to die any second...
I'm sorry to all of those who feel neglected by me. I really don't mean it. We'll talk soon, I promise. Until then, like my lap top, I am running on "low battery" to get everything done and make sure that I do well in the process.

blueberry muffin & a large double-double coffee.

No more.
I have decided to go on strike. Tim Hortons, thanks for the good times but I will no longer be buying food from you. I have noticed that I have become too dependent on my morning coffee before school, my occasional bagel-cream cheese or muffin and recently their soup.
Besides spending the money, I'm sure my body could use not consuming those extra calories.

After another memorable night just sitting around and talking with Alex, I came home to my warm bed with a head full of thoughts. Obviously, I won't be sharing them over blog but one thing that stuck out for me is my love for food. In order to live, you need nourishment- food and water. It's funny how something that I need to keep me alive is also killing me. I KNOW that I have said this about a trillion times, and even I am tired of hearing it... but I need to lose some weight. I'm going to do it. I want to feel proud of myself instead of self conscious of my love-handles. I am such a strong, driven person but for some reason this has always been a barrier for me. I just can't seem to jump the hurdle and do it. I will now though because the more I think about it, the more I realize that it is costing me my happiness, and nothing can take that away from me.

I can't remember when the earth turned slowly...

I found myself looking through my photos again on Facebook. I like to do that sometimes, just go through old albums and reminisce about amazing memories that I've had with even better people. The thing is, looking back on those photographs, I get quite sad.

During the nine months that I was off school, I had tremendous freedom. I had never worked full time and had never experienced this care-free lifestyle before. It was new and exciting. I must admit though, once the nine months was coming to an end and University was my next challenge, I was quite excited. Looking back on it though, I really do miss the life that I had before school started up. Don't get me wrong, I love being in school and I adore all the opportunities I have been offered by being at JMSB... I just miss it. I don't even know how to describe the feeling, it's weird.

I feel like the world is passing me by, in a blur and I feel disconnected from certain friends because I don't see them as often as I would if I were not in school. I find myself refusing plans or seeing my family less because I have homework to do. I sometimes feel like a bad person because school has become my priority. I find myself missing people even if I had just seen them. I spend a lot of my time alone with music as my only companion. I'm not deprived, I mean I do see people once or twice a week, but it's not like before.
I want to pack my bags and go on vacation; I want to do things!

Getting back to school has been quite the shock for me since I was used to a certain lifestyle for almost a year. I used to wake up in the morning and think "what am I going to do today?" Now, I am up at 5:45am to catch a train, metro and go to school. I think it's the routine that's bugging me the most.

Time is ticking, and I can't keep up with it. For now though, I just have to embrace what I have, do well in my studies and look forward to summer vacation. New memories will be made, and a new photo album will be created to keep me going through the next school year.

before I start doing my homework...

It's amazing how a weekend can open your mind to new things and change you.
I can honestly say, that this weekend has probably been the most BITTERsweet weekends that I have had in a long time.

I have learned that...
- Things that can be replaced are NEVER worth causing problems over
- A night with the girls heals me. <3
- Words hurt, yelling rips me apart but silence is even worse. Stop pretending that things are okay!
- I know the truth, whether you choose to believe it, is another story.
- Knowing that you're there for me, means more than words could describe... even if you don't know what happened.
- A hug from my Mom, fixes just about everything

The cold air kisses her cheek, she feels empty. She is reminded of times where smiles were not forced and the sun lit up her face. The ocean soothed her and people cared. She was free.

A Late Night Blog Post

It all boils down to one question... what am I doing wrong?

Exhibit A: Love Life. Epic Fail.
I can honestly say that I am probably the only girl my age that has never had opportunity to be in a relationship with someone. Yeah sure, I've had my high school crushes, but it stops there. Most people tell me "don't worry about it! Your turn is soon, and when it happens he'll be here to stay." Yeah well, you know what I have to say to that? Prove it. I don't know what it's like to have butterflies in my stomach when I see "him". I've never heard the words "I like you." It's quite a sad thought...

Exhibit B: Friends. They are sweet, while I am bitter.
Sometimes I feel like I wouldn't have any friends if I didn't play "the chasing game." It's a very rare thing to receive a phone call asking me how I am doing, or what I am up to. Most of the time I have to fit myself in other people's schedules because they are busy with other things. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming them for having more of an exciting life than I am, but don't leave me in the dark. I love the people in my life, and I wouldn't change my group of friends for anything but sometimes I feel like a handbag: goes with some outfits, but otherwise won't be worn.

Exhibit C: Physical Appearance. Love handles are not lovely
Will power, non existent. Confidence, invisible. Food, eaten in moderation but seems to be sticking to me like glue no matter what. I wish I could practice what Mika sings "Big Girls You Are Beautiful." Yeah...ok.

Exhibit D: School Work Who knew? University = Stress?
I have become a professional Homework Hermit. Yup, that's me! I feel like homework is consuming my life and eating away at my freedom. There is so much that I wish I could do instead of cramming useless Microeconomics theories into my brain. Hard work does pay off, and I am getting good grades but I know deep down... I can do better.

So where does all this ranting bring me? I don't know. There isn't much that I can do about my current situation but look into fate's eyes and go with it.

I wish...

Skating at Rockerfeller Plaza (New York City) during the Christmas holidays

Lying on the beach during March Break

Volunteering in Africa

Sipping wine and eating a warm baguette in Paris

Seeing the white buildings, the blue water and meeting family in Greece

I need to win the lottery.

The Best Friend.

I was lying in my bed earlier today, and I let my mind wander...

Why do we call them "best" friends? Isn't that being a little harsh for the people who don't meet this criteria? I mean, there is no such thing as the "average-but-still-meaningful-friend"...

Best is to have the highest quality, excellence or standing. This can be easily done for objects, when comparing the advantages of having it in our possession. But what about people? Obviously, we cannot use the same tactic. Our friends make us feel complete. They are the person that you rely on because you know that they rely on you. The person you laugh with, cry with, or whom with you can just be free. They are people that have been selectively chosen to enrich your life in one way or another. In life, we stumble, we fall but our friends are there to pick us back up and remind us that everything is going to be okay. They act as our wake-up call, reminding us that life really is that precious.

Their smile.
Their advice.
Their presence.
It all makes the difference.

I've used the jigsaw puzzle analogy before, and I am going to use it again. What we must remember is that we all have best friends for different reasons. I have a group of friends that I am proud of. I love every one of them for their exceptional qualities but also for their flaws. Can I pinpoint which ones are my best ones though? No, because you have all added that special ingredient to my life. You have all come together and fit my puzzle-of-a-life flawlessly and therefore, it makes it difficult for me to underline who is "the best". Maybe it's because a good handful of my friends, are best ones? Can that be?

<3

Sometimes receiving a text message with a heart in it is the best way to start the day.

Yeah, here's to living in the moment.

Unlike the mediocre ones, today was a good day.

It all started off with me finishing my book "Her Fearful Symmetry" by Audrey Niffenegger. In all, it was a good read but definitely WEIRD. I have mixed feelings about it, but I think I liked it.

Then, I met up with James and we headed to Chez Cora for some bonding time and an amazing breakfast. After basically rolling ourselves out of the restaurant, we made a pit stop at Starbucks to see if Chris was working, and he was! Free coffee is always appreciated, but it was seeing him that made the trip worth while! (Especially for James who hadn't seen him in over a month)

Then I headed to Math class, with a knot in my stomach. I knew that I was getting my midterm mark and man was I nervous. You know when you do an exam and you know that you failed it? Yeah, that kinda feeling. I had no doubt in my mind that I had done horribly on the test. I was prepared for the fail, and I was okay with it. When I received my grade, I couldn't believe it. I was completely gob-smacked. It was like I had just won the lottery. I got an A+ (93%) on the exam... no big deal! Hahaha. I guess all those ridiculous answers that I had come up with were actually right. I loved the feeling. I felt like I had accomplished something.

THEN, I met up with James again! We were chatting about my exam when we got attacked by Jenia. It was the most random experience of life, but seriously added to my happy day. I hadn't seen her in... MONTHS? I couldn't believe it! We went to Tim Horton's for a quick catch up before we headed our separate ways. It was really nice to see her! <3

The train ride home was a riot. From dancing in our seats to Faber Drive's song "G-Get Up and Dance" to making fun of each other, James and I spent the whole time laughing. I don't know what I would do without this kid on Mondays and Wednesdays, he keeps me company and I always have a smile on my face when I'm around him.

Today was a good day. What will tomorrow bring?

Mind reading

Your silence, mysterious.
Your demeanor, depressing.
Your attitude towards life, overpowering.
Your cookie-cutter routine, nauseating.
Your glare, discouraging.

I'm normally quite good at reading what other people are thinking...
You've stumped me.

Your smile, warm.
Your aura, cuddly.
Your love for life, encouraging.
Your nurturing attitude, heart-felt.
Your eyes, say the words you don't say... the words that I understand, and feel everyday.

"Oh my God, that girl fell!"

There is nothing better after a day of hectic exams then going out for dinner with some of your best friends.

After my exams yesterday (which I hope went well), I hopped on the train and met up with James and Alejandro. We got off at Dorval, met Jess and headed to Casa Grecque to meet up with Alex, Kay, and Megan. Dinner was hilarious, to say the least. We always have a way of laughing ourselves to tears, it was great.

Then we headed to Jess' house, where the gang had a dip in the hot tub.
At around 11:30pm, everyone headed home since the majority had a school the next morning at ungodly hours (James, I hope the wakeup wasn't too rough!).

Today I think I'm going to attempt to find a Halloween costume. I don't know what the plan is for Halloween but I know that I am going to need some sorta get-up for work since I am guaranteed to be working on the 31st, since it's a Saturday.

Until next time, fellow readers, have a good day! <3

A Tuesday

I am currently sitting in the Second Cup on St. Catherine's Street, taking a break from the immense amount of homework that has piled up. Today has been a day of studying, walking around downtown and coffee drinking. The leaves are starting to change colours... so pretty.
I spent the morning in my Business Communication class, where I got to chose my group for another group assignment, joy. I'm pretty happy with my group, which is great and I'm sure we'll do well once we get things rolling. The best was the end of class though, we got our marks for our oral presentations and...

I got my first 'A' in University!

I have to admit, I am quite proud of myself.
I guess turning into a Homework-Hermit has paid off.

Other than that, it's a beautiful fall day and I love walking around downtown... I wish I lived here.

Tomorrow is going to be a hectic, filled with stressed out moments, eventual success and a headache to close off the day. I have two midterms: one in math (which should go smoothly, I am not at all worried about this one) and economics (which makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it). I don't know how many more times I can go over my notes, but I am going to be up into the wee hours of the night studying I think. I just want to do well.

The pressure is on, and the stress has set in. I'm a University student, so I should have been expecting all this work, little did I know- there is so much more work for those who actually want to do well. It's not like CEGEP where you would do the work and you get a good grade, it takes a lot more than that!

Well, that's all for now.
I'm going to be taking the train home soon, and I can't wait. As much as I love being in school, going home is always a treat because I hop on the train, relax and read. As much as school makes me want to pull out my hair sometimes, I wouldn't change a moment of it.

"Thanks"giving

Thank you .
What am I thankful for?
Everything.
After all, where would I be today without it all?

<3

Love this song. Love the book. Love the movie.

Life.

He said: Live every moment as if it were your last, take advantage of the life you have, but never take it for granted. And if one day my last moment does come and go, know that I hold you close in my heart. Carpe diem.

She said: In life, it's the simple things that matter...Hold onto them, and don't let them go. Cherish the time spent with those you love and embrace life's unexpected nature. Simply, live, love and laugh. The rest will follow. <3

Run for the hills before they burn.

I lack confidence.
I lack the ability to say "no" without feeling bad about it.
I lack will power.
I give up too easily.

How can I change all those negative things about me...
I know!
Do what's best for me, because I'm worth it.

"Whatever it is you are feeling is a perfect reflection of what is in the process of becoming" -The Secret, book.

Week # 2 of Ten Things That Made Me Happy

Why I'm doing this again...

Alexander michael, viva la vida says: It would make you focus on the good things rather then the bad, and maybe make you happier? just a thought.

1) Finding the remote to my DVD player (which I had lost for weeks). Now I can watch Sex and the City, Will & Grace and 24 in my room again!

2) Watching The Rescuers Down Under, one of my favorite childhood Disney movies, with Janna.


3) Going out with my clubbing buddies on Fridays. I look forward to the fun we have every week. School isn't that bad when you know that the end of the week will be spent with amazing people.

4) Discovering the Tim Hortons half coffee/half hot chocolate... It got me through my morning Business Communications class

5) Dancing like fools, having a ritual shot of tequila, and then falling asleep on each other in James' car with Alex on Friday <3 Hahaha!

6) Seeing Melissa, Selina and Kate. A fun night: lots of food, good laughs... and browsing in a sex shop? Hmmm.

7) Two words: Catching Fire. What an amazing book! I can't wait for the third one, and for the Hunger Games movie in 2011! Now I'm reading The Lovely Bones (amazing so far!) & can't wait for that movie either!

8) Possible vacation? I can hear the waves and feel the hot sun already <3 Cuba, si?

9) Text message: "It's the rain, it's making the dirt cave back in. Wait for the rain to dissipate, the sun soon will shine." <3 They call them "best" friends for a reason.

10)Buying a Boston Cream donut from Tim Hortons and giving it to the homeless man that held the door open for me

Life is such a precious thing.

Stolen.

I'm sitting in the basement, doing homework when this amazing song comes onto my shuffling-iPod. I can't get over how perfect the lyrics are for this moment in time... Such a great song!

Stolen by Dashboard Confessional

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend
Of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

Invitation only
Grand Farewells
Crash the best one
Of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed
Too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

And from the ball room floor
We are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all
Will sleep well
Sleep Well
Sleep Well
Sleep Well

You have stolen
you have stolen
you have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around
In your highest heels
You are the best one
Of the best ones
We
All
Look
Like
We
Feel

You have stolen my
you have stolen my
you have stolen my heart

Choo choo!

The train is good for two things...
1)Avoiding torrential traffic
2)Relaxing and reading a good book, I love it.

Good morning!

It was nice hearing your voice on the phone last night
I was starting to think that you had forgotten about me, but I was wrong... You'll always be there.

Ten Little Things

I just finished reading a really cute post on Melissa's blog called "Ten Little Things", where she named 10 things (anything!) that made her really happy this week. I really liked the idea, so I thought that I too would give it a try... Here it goes.

Ten Little Things

1) Finishing The Time Traveler's Wife (novel) and going to see the movie with Alex and Kay. The movie was very well done, although they didn't include my favorite part from the book in the movie. Oh well, I still had a great time and laughed hysterically with Katlynne about the idea of "teleporting fetuses"

2) Spending my breaks with James. It's so great to sit in a coffee shop and just talk, pretend to do homework or laugh at the gypsy looking women that come into Starbucks

3) Realizing that walking to the Lucien L'allier train is FASTER than taking the metro there! I'm such a dumbass for not realizing this sooner.

4) Taking the train in the morning while reading a good book and looking out the window only to see rows and rows of traffic

5) Walking into work today and winning a $25 gift certificate for my excellent customer service skills. This job has made me bipolar; some days are horrible and some days are awesome!

6) Talking with Melissa on the phone the other night. It had been a long time since we'd spoken. I realize it more and more lately how much I miss her.

7) Washing my car until it sparkled. Now it's dirty again.

8) The weather. I love the cool breeze with the combination of the heat from the sun. It's weird, but I feel like the sun is smiling. It makes me happy.

9) Driving around on a cool night with the windows open and my iPod's tunes filling the car with music that I love.

10) The simple things: The bowl of cereal I had last night before bed. The wall-post from Alex left on my Facebook wall containing lyrics of one of our favorite songs. My hair curling the way I want it to. Having a good conversation during dinner with the family. My professor being impressed with my work ethic. My Mom coming home for lunch to spend time with me. My dog lying on my lap while I watch TV. Being on time with my readings and homework; liking school again. Watching a trailer for 'Dear Jack' a documentary of Andrew McMahon from Jack's Mannequin and tearing up.

Just being happy in general.
Not just this week, but prior ones and the many to come in the future.

<3

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you"
--Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

Bye-bye Summer 2009

It's 11:15pm and I am sitting in bed thinking and reliving some of the moments that I had during this summer. Although it is coming to an end tomorrow, as I head back to school, I am happy to be starting a new chapter in my life.

This summer was an interesting one. I say that because it was quite different from last summer. Last summer I spent every day, or second day as a part of The Fivesome (Melissa, Jenia, James & Alex), whereas this summer we grew quite distant. Our schedules would clash, and things wouldn't work out all the time. It was okay in the end because we always knew that we could fall back on each other, and that we were each having fun, keeping busy with our own things (work, concerts, hanging out, traveling, etc.)

The fun all began in June when I got the opportunity to go on a roadtrip with Katlynne and James. We headed to Vermont and Lake George, did some shopping, went to the amusement park, hiked in the woods and witnessed beautiful waterfalls, but most importantly got away from the stresses of everyday life for a little while. We came home the Wednesday night, only to head on our second adventure the next morning: Tremblant. This vacation was great! We got together with Alex and Rob and spent 2 amazing nights in a luxurious room right in the mountains. It feels like so long ago that this happened, but at the same time I can remember it like it was yesterday. Straight hair, late night talks on the porch, writing messages to each other on the steamed shower door, drinks and lots of laughs were just a couple of the things that filled our weekend with fun! Thanks again Rob for having us, I had a great time!

It was the little things that mattered this summer. Sitting in the car listening to music too loud with friends (Singing to I've Gotta Feeling or Sexy Bitch)or lying on a blanket in Alex's front yard talking for hours under the stars, it's things like this that I'll remember. The movie nights, the dinners, the countless amount of money spent on food... The gossip, the thousands of text messages, Alex getting his license, the summmer birthday parties (Melissa's scrap book), the motivational talks, the pictures, the pic-nic in Angrignon park, the good times and the bad...With every bad thing, comes a good one. I had a couple of really bad nights where I would think myself into circles and I would end up getting really sad. But when I look back on it, it was silly stupidity that I would create in my head. Was it dumb? Yes. Do I regret it? No. I was right with a lot of things that I would think about, and I have become a stronger person having gone through it. Good things happen to good people. I've got Karma on my side.

I definitely didn't go to as many shows this year as I did last year, but I have to say, going to the Virgin Festival for free was pretty cool. The Black Eyed Peas blew me away at that show! Seeing Stevie Wonder play at this year's Jazz Fest was definitely an honor too! Then there was Cirque du Soleil's 25th Anniversary Show OvO with my Mom, what a great night that I'll never forget. The creativity that Guy Laliberte brings to every show is mind boggling... I can't wait for Alegria in the winter! Or how about winning tickets to a VIP Our Lady Peace show? Life can't get better than that! Finally, this summer ended with a memorable show by the Killers at the Bell Centre. Fireworks, sparklers, confetti, flowers, video projection, these guys had it all! It was great being a part of their set from the front row, and just seeing the look on Janna's face was priceless on it's own.

Working 40 hours per week was hard but the paychecks were beautiful every Thursday. Would I do it again? Probably. Work consumed my life, but in the end it was a good experience.

Shopping dates, spending money, driving around in my new car, sitting on a terrace for lunch or evening drinks, going for a bike ride, eating ice cream in St-Anne's and catching up with an old friend on the boardwalk, drinking smoothies in Pointe Claire village and laughing hysterically, clubbing... Just waking up in the morning and thinking "Hmmm... what am I going to do today?" was an amazing feeling.

This summer I got a tan.
I swam in the ocean.
I wore a bathing suit.
I enjoyed the sun <3
I found the time to do things I love.

Selina spent the whole summer away, but when she came back it felt like she had never left. I love how things just fell back into place with her, and I feel like we grew a lot closer in the month that she's been home. I really enjoy her company! Spending time with my ladies (Mel, Kate and Selina) is the best, I wouldn't have it any other way and I love that despite our busy schedules, we always make time for each other at least once a month. We just fit together, even when we've spent some time apart.

Alex, you know how much you mean to me. Thanks for making this summer what it was <3 You constantly remind me that life really is a beautiful thing, and I have realized that it's because of the people that are in it.

Mel & James, my crazy partners in crime. I don't know where I would be without you guys. Not just this summer, but in life in general. You're both amazing people and friends.

The rest of you kiddies, I love you all individually (even though I'm not naming you, you definitely know who you are.) We have changed each other's lives by being friends over the years and I can't be more thankful for the experiences we've had and the memories that I'll cherish forever. Thanks for making me who I am today.

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”
-Anonymous

Hampton, oh Hampton. I couldn't have imagined a better way to end the summer. Besides the fact that I was heading to the ocean with some of my best friends, it was giving us the opportunity to relax and just enjoy the feeling of doing nothing. This trip was therapeutic. We spent three days on the beach, with our toes in the sand and the waves crashing up against us. At night we took walks on the beach, ran in the waves and just enjoyed the carefree life that we had been blessed with. We sat under the stars talking, listening to music and I was reminded that life's luxuries are not mesured by monetary value but by how they make you feel. I felt rich while I was there, because I was happy.

This summer has been amazing(despite the ugly weather we had all of June and July)and I'll never forget it. We documented life through pictures and linked songs to our experiences and emotions. We lived, we loved, we laughed.

Tomorrow, I'll be Concordia-bound. I'm excited, but I'm gonna miss all this.

A realization.

My friends have other friends outside our little gang.
I don't. I rely on them to have a good time.
That means, when they are out with those friends, I'm up to nothing because everyone has other things planned and other people to see.
Hmmm...
What to do on a Friday night?

A thought.

Tell me something that I don't know.
Yeah, the truth hurts but you're not enlightening me by repeating harsh words, thanks.

Back to School

All I have to say is THANK GOD that I am not working 40 hours this week. I decided to change my availability one week in advance in order to get my stuff in order before school starts next week.

School supply shopping... bought tons of notebooks only to realize I had like 10 of them that I haven't used. Oops!

Have a fun night out with the ladies ...such a fun day! We walked around downtown the whole day, went for lunch and hung out with Selina's German friend, Mona! I always have a good time with these girls!

Buy my school books...$407 later.

Visit Concordia and find all my classes... I <3 the new JMSB Building. Like, wow.

Get my Concordia student I.D. done... photo= ew.

Get my Opus card... I woke up early thinking there wouldn't be a line up, I guess I was wrong. Took me an hour in the Opus Bootcamp.

Clean off my desk and file old school work... It's always fun to look through old school work. I'm not gonna miss Abbott.

Buy some new clothes for school ... although, I'm not done. I wanna get some new shoes and maybe a couple more things! I'm sure Alex, my fashionista, will help me with this!

Find a new bag/ school bag/ tote

Clean my room

Do my laundry

See my amigos! <3

Put my school stuff together

I have a couple of things left to do, but I have to say, I AM SO EXCITED TO START! I'm liking the fact that I am starting new. 6 more days of freedom... Concordia, here I come!

A Girl in Paris <3

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

--Carrie Bradshaw (Sex & the City)

And today, I left my imprint on the couch...

How often do I get Saturdays off work? Never.
I spent the whole day doing nothing.
Doing nothing means my brain doing a lot... which brings me to a vicious circle of thinking.

Right before I wrote this blog I was thinking about trends (fashion, music, toys, etc.) and how they go out of style. Last year's fashion trends and everyday interests are most likely not "hip" today and the hype tends to disappear when something better comes along. Can we say the same about people? I sometimes feel like I have outdated myself, and people are finding me boring... maybe that's why I am doing nothing on a Saturday night?

As I mentioned in the title of this blog, I have left my body imprint on the couch today. I was watching Deal or No Deal earlier- a show that angers me but I secretly enjoy when it gets intense. The show requires no skill, just fate; an inevitably determined event; a gamble between the riches. You leave with a briefcase full of money or not. Call it luck, fate, destiny, chance, I don't know. What I do know though is that good things happen to good people, and if you deserve to live prosperous, it'll happen...and I'm not talking about money. Life is more luxurious than that.

Quiet nights & Naps on the couch

Tag your "it."
How about asking me how I'm doing every once and a while. It's an idea, no?
I'm tired of chasing you. Calling you. Texting you.
I'm a nuisance.
I guess, in the end, I really need you more than you need me.

Bonne nuit.

Simple Thoughts

Dear You

Thanks for the simple moments that we share together; they make me smile.

From Me

17 days.

I can't help but think 'where have these last nine months gone?'
It's incredible how fast the time has zipped by, and school is right around the corner. I have to admit though, I'm quite excited to get back into the swing of things. I'm sure that I am going to regret this statement when I am drowning in assignments and cramming for an upcoming test, but right now, in this moment, I am anxious.

Underneath the anxious feeling though is nervousness; I can't help but feel the jitters. I remember the nightmares I had when I was six, changing schools and going into Grade 1. I would wake up in a cold sweat and crying because I was petrified of the journey ahead. Obviously I am not going to have nightmares over this, but I am pretty hesitant of what University holds for me. It's quite the big step, and I hate that I don't know EXACTLY what's in store for me.

All in all though, I'm excited.
It'll be neat to go to school with people who actually want to be there.

Hampton Beach 2009

After a couple of weeks of planning and hotel searching, I finally made my way to Hampton beach, New Hampshire with Alex, Selina and Kate. I knew from the get-go that we were going to have a great time, because of the friendship that I have with those three people. The weather forecast was perfect, and the company even greater.

We left Montreal bright and early on Monday morning; at 5am to be exact. Alex and I had only gotten about 3 hours of sleep, but were still psyched to hit the road. He made me a delicious bagel with cream cheese- to give me an extra morning boost, and with a full tank of gas we made our way to Selina's to pick up the girls who were equally excited to start the journey. My new GPS, who was baptized as "Garminiqua" by Alex, led us on a 509km road-trip to Hampton, New Hampshire, where we arrived at about 11:30am.


After being greeted by Miro (my g-mail chat friend hahaha), we checked into our hotel, The Puritan, which was located on Ocean Boulevard. We couldn't have picked a better location: right in the middle of the boardwalk, across the street from the beach. The room itself was plain but it had the essentials. After all, we weren't there to sleep! We drove all those hours to experience the ocean, laze around in the sun and enjoy ourselves before getting back to our daily routines.

We immediately changed into our bathing suits, and headed for the beach. The sun was shining and life was perfect. We dropped all of our stuff off, set up our towels, stuck around for a bit and then decided to make our way to the water to warm up. We were all beyond hot when we got out of the car, so cooling off in the Atlantic was an instant cure. At first, we were shocked at how cold the water was... to the point that Alex and Selina realized that their feet were hurting from the cold. But, it didn't take long before we got used to it and started a routine of baking in the sun and then running to the frigid sea to cool down. I can still imagine the taste of the salt water on my lips and the feeling of the crashing waves on my legs...



We decided to keep up with the Cuba routine: wake-up, eat breakfast, BEACH BEACH BEACH, come back to hotel room for a snack, shower, nap and TV-time, dinner & then enjoy the night-life.

Ocean boulevard consisted of many quaint shops and restaurants which kept us amused for hours, along with walking on the beach during sunset. Nothing was more fun though than the first day when Alex and I decided to take on the ocean at night. We jumped around in the water as the tide was coming in, drew pictures in the sand, danced around, talked, and took pictures. I felt so free. Soaking wet, but liberated.





The girls missed out on this fun, but we brought them out the second night and we had an even better time! We took a long walk on the beach as the sun was coming down, took a walk on Ocean Boulevard and got some ice cream (mmmm... Rocky Road), made friends with a toddler, took tons of pictures, made provocative sculptures in the sand, set up our blanket under the stars, danced around to the music on Alex's iPod (which kept us going on the whole trip), frolicked around in the water again, had a bonding conversation where I got the chance to learn a lot about myself (I am such a lucky girl.), met some guys from Havril, Massachusetts (pronounced Mass-Of-Two-Shits, bahaha!) who kept us company into the wee hours of the night (they were ECSTATIC about meeting Canadians!) and then fell asleep around 4am.


Our last day zoomed by. I woke up bright an early to literally move my car one space from the "free reserved hotel parking" to the "paid public parking", and then went back to bed for 2 hours. We all got up, cleaned up all of our things and re-packed to check out for 10:30am. The hotel room was a mess, because we made ourselves at home. Alex and I even went to the extent of emptying our bags and filling the closets with our things, as if we were at home. We then made our way, for the last time, to the beach- to enjoy the sun a little too much, and get sun burnt. I guess you can expect it though when you're out in the sun for 5 hours at a time. Dinner was great. We ate for the second time at the Boardwalk Inn Cafe, and let me tell you... we all made the right choices with our meals to the point that we each had a bite from each other's plate!

We left Hampton at approximately 6pm. Five and a half hours and a sketchy gas-stop in St Jean later, we were home. Exhausted, sun burnt, hungry and reminiscing...we were back to reality.


I know that I say it a ton of times, I love my friends. It's one of those things that I can't help but think about when times like these happen. We had an amazing 3 days, and plan on doing it again next year. Some people spend years and years searching for people that they can trust, whom they enjoy life's endeavors with and simply "live, love, laugh". I don't have to do that, because I've found them and they're here to stay. You know who you are.

As for Alex, Kate and Selina, my "sexy bitches" (I'm gonna get a little mushy on ya)... you guys have made my summer worth it. This trip was short, sweet and necessary; and I can't picture more perfect people to have spent it with. You guys helped me answer questions that I had been pondering about this whole summer, thank you. Thank you for being YOU and bringing out the best in me. I <3 You. Hampton 2010, here we come!




do whats makes you happy.
be with the ones who make you smile.
laugh as much as you breathe.
& love as long as you live

Blogs

I just read through over a year's worth of blogs. It's incredible how writing things down or typing in this case, has really provided me with an emotional release. It's such a great feeling to take a couple of minutes to recap a day's event or emotion.

I came across a trend though... as time has gone on, my blogs have gotten noticeably less optimistic. What's happened? One day I am thinking sunshine and rainbows, and now I'm walking around with a dark cloud over my head. Things have to change.

From now on, my glass is half full again.

Laughter is the best medicine...

... but so is a good book.

1:38am

Dear You,

Sitting in coffee shops for numerous hours. Playing music too loud. Spending money. Driving in our cars; getting lost and finding the way. Talking way too loud. Wordless conversations. Expressing ourselves. Reliving the past; dreaming about the future; taking care of the present. Understanding each other. Caring in an evil way. Reading each other's minds. Smiley faces and hearts. Text messages. Late night phone calls. Sharing stories; gossip. Living life.

Thanks for being such a good friend.

From: Me.

Wow.

This season of So You Think You Can Dance? has been absolutely incredible. Here are two of my favorite performances.

This one actually had me in tears last night.
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/5610574/14725858

This one is choreographed by my favorite, Mia Michaels, this woman is a genius! This dance is about drug addiction (Kayla being the addict, and Kupono being the drug)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmeVX_e5aSE

Swim.

This man is a musical genius.
This video is incredible.
Enjoy.

Jack's Mannequin "Swim"

Reoccuring Feeling.

:(

Wake Up Call

No matter how you look at it, getting a call from the clinic with your blood test results is never fun... especially when the person on the other line is giving you a list of reasons why you're extremely unhealthy.

Now that the shock has subsided and I am feeling less depressed, I've switched into an optimistic mindset. I have three months to get better before I go for another blood test, and I AM going to change those results. How many times have I said that I am going to eat better and exercise? A million? I feel ridiculous saying it again, but this time I have a purpose. It's one thing to be overweight but another when you're overweight and unhealthy.

To get things started, I'm doing a two week challenge where I am going to write down everything that I eat and count calories. I am keeping track of everything so I know how much my body should be eating versus how much I want to eat. I also jotted down my current weight and I'll see how much that number drops two weeks from now.

Another thing I am going to start doing is walking to work when it's nice out in addition to any other exercise I decide to include in my routine this summer.

It's amazing how we need food every day to live but the nourishment can destroy us if not practiced in a healthy manner.

Remember when?

As I lay down in my bed watching Aladdin- the movie that played countless times through out my childhood- I couldn't help but think about the past. It amazes me how our innocence and naivety vanishes as we grown from children to adults in both the physical and mental manner.

We go from worrying if our sandcastles are built perfectly to stressing about jobs and money. What happened to the times when were were able to just run around worry-free? I used to go to bed at night as a child, excited to wake up the next morning because I knew that I had a fun day ahead of me. Lately I find myself staring at the ceiling for hours at times, trying to clear my head.

My body is numb.
My chest is heavy
My head is consumed with thoughts that are excessively jumbled and incoherent
& I lie awake until the wee-hours of the morning.

I remember the times when my imagination ran wild. When the summer sun kissed my cheeks. When I felt free in the wind. I was innocent. I was a kid.

Obviously I am not living in a Peter Pan world, and I can't keep that mentality forever- we all get older at some point. I just wish sometimes, that I could go back to a time where I was genuinely happy and where my thoughts embraced the simplicity of life. Until then, I will make do with what I have and cherish the life that I have been provided with. After all, life is a beautiful thing.

You are my sunshine

This past week was exactly what I needed: an adventure with good company.
On June 8th, James, Kay and I decided to go on a mini road trip to Burlington, Vermont and Lake George, New York for a couple of days. We did quite a bit of shopping, sight seeing, went to the Six Flags Great Escape, and laughed over and over again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Funny things that happened (a few memories, in no particular order):
- James locks his car keys in the car. The keys were in the ignition and the car was running...

- James loses the parking lot stub and has to ask the attendant to let us out

- Motel 6: The crack addict receptionist, the random dog walking around without a leash, the running shoe in the garbage can, the room! (cigarette burnt blanket, the door lock & security warning, the water pressure in the shower, the gremlin door)

- The Natural Stone Bridge & Caves. SO BEAUTIFUL!

- Kay's sexual gestures to make James laugh while he was on the phone with his Mom

- James panicking when talking with the border officer

- The grumpy concession stand clerk at the drive-in movie

- Kay's hyper "cracked out" moments everyday at 3:30pm

- Betty the GPS takes us on the scenic route


- Me almost falling down a parking lot hill and ramming myself into the car door

- Kay walking into a bunch of vacuums at the Olive Garden while James and I escaped as she faced the laughter of the restaurant

- The wheeled chairs at the Olive Garden! Kay to waitress: How do people eat all of this!?

- TURTLE! DEER! BLUE HERON!
----------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday night we came home, and left 12 hours later for the second part of our road trip: Mont Tremblant!
This vacation was quite different from the first but equally as fun. We spent our time lounging around the resort, going to the pool, the hot tub, making drinks, having dinner in the village, taking TONS of pictures, straightening my hair (hahaha), and just enjoying each other's company. This vacation was so refreshing because I got the chance to take a step back from everyday life, and enjoy it. It reminded me a lot of Cuba (although we were missing 3 amazing people)...

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Singing in the car. Cuddling up in blankets. Watching 'Seven Pounds' and crying...again. Making TONS of food. The amazing shower. Swimming in the pool. Sitting on the balcony in the comfy chairs. Looking at the stars. Laughing, oh the laughing. The quiet times. Driving in the mountains looking at dream houses. Getting dressed up and going for dinner. Pictures.

If the summer continues to be like this, I am going to be one lucky girl!

Rx: A Vacation

I think I have lost my mind, like for real this time.
I can't stop looking at vacations- hahaha! I guess that's what happens when you get the taste of it...

I've decided this year though that I am going to take advantage of my two weeks vacation in July and do something fun! I don't know what yet, or with who but I know that I won't be spending all 14 days in Montreal.

I can't wait!

'Kia is driving a Kia

I love my new car!

Angels & Demons- The BOOK, not the Movie. ***SPOILERS***

So I went to see Angels & Demons last night, and I guess you can say that I was disappointed. Of course, I was expecting it but there were a lot of changes that were made to the story and the fact that Tom Hanks played Robert Langdon in both Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code, ruins things all on its own.

The movie was okay... I'll give it that much credit, but nothing will compare to the well put together novel by Dan Brown.

My friends that I saw the movie with were complaining that I was not satisfied with the film, but having thought of it for a bit afterwards, I came to realize that a lot was missing from the movie's plot:

- In the book, Robert Langdon found the clues to each of his locations (which was so interesting), but in the book it was so secondary.

- Langdon didn't ride the ultra high speed jet going to the Vatican, but instead took a 10 second helicopter and pretty much appeared in Rome

- The character Max Kohler, CERN director, was not present. He was the one that originally found the body and eye of Vetra's father (and not co-worker!) in the lab when the anti-matter was stolen. In the movie, Vetra found his body.

- Ewan McGregor played The Camerlengo named Patrick McKenna; in the novel, he is named Carlo Ventresca.

- The fourth prefereti was branded with a Water ambigram and was chained but was eventually saved by Langdon but in the book, he dies and does not tell Langdon the location of the Hassasin. In the book, Langdon completed the Path of Illumination on his own to find the Hassasin.

- The fifth ambigram was not the Illuminati diamond! They instead used two crossed keys

- The killer is an arab man with strong ties to ancient assassins

- Vittoria was not captured by the Hassasin.

- The Camerlengo retrieved the antimatter and got into the helicopter alone. In the novel, the Camerlengo and Langdon took the helicopter together.

- The fourth preferati became the new pope in the movie. Whereas in the book, Saverio Mortati becomes the new pope.

- The new pope loaned the book which contained material he needed for research to Langdon. In the book, the Illuminati Diamond brand was loaned to Langdon.

- The carmelengo burned himself in the church(the only diffenrece that I liked, it made more sense)instead of publicly in St Peter's Square.

I would say, go see the movie if you haven't read the book. The movie is definitely better than The Da Vinci Code, but at the same time the missing elements and the movie altogether does not outweigh the book. I LOVED the book, and almost hated the movie.

Two more pounds... GONE!

Weight lost to date: 10 pounds
Weight still to lose: A lot!

I'm determined though.
I won't give up this time.
This is a competition against myself.
I'm going for it.

Slow Me Down- Emmy Rossum

Rushing and racing
and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world
I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear
In the blur of fast forward I faulter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

New car, where are you?

How can you embrace the future if the past is your present?

I just finished looking back on past blog posts and looking at other peoples' Facebook pages and blogs. I have to say that once again, it has hit me how much people are changing these last couple of months. I don't know if it's for the better or the worse, but one thing's for sure... everything is changing and I really haven't adapted to it. As much as I would like for things to be the way they once were, I don't think it'll ever happen. It saddens me.

I've never seen you happier

Congratulations James on your acceptance into the Biomedical Laboratory Technician program at Dawson! It was such an amazing experience to be there as you opened your letter, I'm so proud of you!

75 days.

Unnatural Feeling

I've been staring at my keyboard for the last five minutes trying to think about how to write this. It's almost impossible to describe an emotion when the feeling cannot be expressed.

I feel sad, disapointed but occasionally content. I try and disregard the negative but somehow I feel it lurking in the background. I keep pushing the thoughts away but the more I neglect it, the more reoccuring they become. I have days when I am extremely happy with the way things are, and others where I feel alone.

Why is it that, when you're around me I am at my happiest but when I'm not around you, you can feel that same emotion? Weird.

We all have separate lives, although we fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. I just hope that due to life's unexpected nature, I won't lose a piece.

Spick and span!

So my room is nice and clean now! It took me literally all day yesterday to do it, but 4 grocery bags full of garbage and 2 for the recycling, and I am done! It is always so much fun to go through old stuff... I definitely got a good laugh last night when I came across some lost treasures:

- a lamenated picture of Mel Pels and I, dressed up as Spice Girls for a Grade 4 show at Edgewater
- old photo booth pictures
- a note that Selina and I passed around, talking about how James liked her and Jess but they both didnt have feelings for him! Oh how things have changed...
- old mixed tapes and cds that I had made
- my Edgewater yearbook
- an old project on Polar Bears that I did in Grade 3 and got A+ on
- numerous letters from Melissa Tamilia (my Winnipeg buddy)
- a bunch of dried out smelly-markers
- old diary entries
- a very old agenda that Maria and I used when we would play School or House. I apparently was a lawyer at some point too because I have jotted down how much I was charging people for different legal situations, haha!
- old concert tickets
- metro and bus transfers dated back to 2004
- movie ticket stubs (from movies as old as Bring it On! haha)
- very old bright blue nail polish
- birthday + holiday cards

Who knew that cleaning could be so amusing

What a nice day!

It's so beautiful outside and although I am not outside to spend it in the sun, I am having a good day indoors. Today I decided to take advantage of my day off to finally clean my room in it's entirety: draws, closet, desk, shelves! Everything that can hold and contain more of a mess! Being a pack-rat, it's always good to do this every once and a while... especially to get rid of the stupid Maxi promotional t-shirts that they give us (I got rid of 12 just today! I had one for every occasion and color of the rainbow!)

Other than that, I am having fun just dancing and singing around in my room and being a total goof ball in front of Janna- poor thing has a ped-day today and has to endure my excessive energy.

Anyway, back to cleaning and dancing to the Black-Eyed Peas' new hit "Boom Boom Pow." hahahaha! The sun makes me happy!

Untitled

"Sipping wine, killing time, trying to solve life's mysteries."
It amazes me how the simplest things in life can supersede most extravagent situations. How common interests and values can bring together a group of people. How after all of these years, we still fit together so well. Thanks for making me smile.

This feeling never gets old.

"I'll bring the candy, and the Kleenex!"

I can't wait for this movie
(WARNING TO MELISSA, DO NOT ACCIDENTALLY PRESS PLAY UNTIL YOU HAVE FINISHED READING THE BOOK)

My Sister's Keeper

I always have a good time with the ladies ♥

~MEMORABLE QUOTES FROM THE MOVIE MONSTERS VS. ALIENS~
The Missing Link: [about Susan] She's speechless!
B.O.B.: She?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Yes. We are in the prescence of the rare female monster.
B.O.B.: No way! It's a boy; look at his boobies!
The Missing Link: We need to have a talk.

The President of the United States: Boys, set the terror level at code brown, 'cause I need to change my pants.

B.O.B.: I think he sees us, you guys.
B.O.B.: [to alien robot] Greetings! How you doing! Welcome! We are here to destroy you!

Gallaxhar: Quadrant four? Lame.

B.O.B.: [after catching Derek] Derek, You're a selfish jerk, and guess what? I've met someone else. She's limegreen, she has 14 little chunks of pineapple inside of her and she is everything i deserve in life! I'm happy now Derek, without you. It's over!

B.O.B.: What happened? Did you find a jar you couldn't open? What was in it? Was it pickles? Where's the giant jar of pickles?

The Missing Link: No monster has even gotten out of here.
B.O.B.: That's not true! The invisible man did.
The Missing Link: No he didn't. We just told you that so you wouldn't get upset.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: He died of a heart attack twenty-five years ago.
B.O.B.: NO!
The Missing Link: Yeah. In that very chair.
[motions towards an empty chair]
The Missing Link: He's still there.

A Thought.

After having a late night phone conversation, I was quite pensive while I was lying in my bed.

I was thinking about happiness and about its importance in our lives. Everyone thrives to be happy, and will go to great lengths to achieve such a feeling. What we don't realize is that it's not something that you can create, but pursue. At the end of the day, we have to look back on what makes us happy and what gives us that euphoric sensation and continue to do just that the following day. It's a simple concept when you think about it... do what pleases YOU.

"Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something. Not even me. All right? You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period." - Will Smith as Chris Gardner, The Pursuit of Happyness

I miss it. <3

I seriously can't wait to go back...
And there is a land me say there's only day
Look into the book of life and you shall feel seal
And you shall feel you are on the sky

There is a land that you never got known
And there is a land me say there's only day
Look into the book of life and you will see
Rhythm a fit flow me say there's only day

I love my people
Singing in the sunrise blow your whistle
Oh no
I love my people
Singing in the sunrise with a reason
Oh no

Where life has taken me...

So, as usual, I have not been keeping up with my blogs. It's weird because once I decide to write one, I love doing it and yet I still never get around to updating frequently.

Quite a bit has happened ever since my last post:

March 23: I got my acceptance to John Molson School of Business. Although I got in on my second choice, Business Administration with a minor in Management, I am still incredibly happy because it's not the easiest school to get into. I am going to work hard at boosting my marks and transferring into my program of choice come winter. I can't wait to go back to school!

April 3-5: My 20th birthday! To celebrate we headed up north to my great-grandparents' house in Ste-Adele. Although it's not the most luxurious location, we had a great time! We went out to Bourbon North and sipped on sparkling wine and danced to the most repetitive techno ever. We went shopping, lazed around and just enjoyed being away from the hectic lives that we live. It was a great way to celebrate my birthday, and quite different than anything I have ever done for my birthday. I'm sure we're going to be heading back at some point during the summer so we can go water sliding too!


April 12: My first training session as "technicienne administrative" at Maxi. I got promoted to do the pay-roll at the store! I'm really liking the job so far, especially because I am being given the opportunity to learn something new

April 17: Mac Fashion Show! Rob and I got VIP seats for the fashion show. It was a lot of fun to go back to the high school and cheer on Alex who was the all-star diva of the night. Hahaha! It really brought me back to my high school years and although I don't miss them as much as I thought I would, I really miss planning events and being involved in the student life.

April 21: Jenia, Melissa, Alex, Jenn & I headed to Club Soda for an amazing performance by the All-American Rejects! Singing songs from their newest album "When the World Comes Down" and from "Move Along", the crowd sung along from beginning to end. I would have to say my favorite performances were: Move Along, Dirty Little Secret, Gives You Hell, I Wanna and Wind Blows. I find myself listening to the CD over and over ever since this show... SO FUN! I can't wait for my next show, whenever that will be!

April 23: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX! <3

April 24: TOPS show at Lakeside with Alex & James! The show was definitely "outstanding". Rob, you've outdone yourself once again! Congrats! Then we spent a quiet night at James' house and ordered pizza at midnight hahaha!

April 26: Janna (& friends) blow the audience away at Christine Beland's 14th Piano Concert with their rendition of Canon in D Major. It was an amazing performance and I am incredibly proud of Janna for her continuous dedication to music.


& that pretty much concludes the month. There were tons of get togethers, shopping dates, nights out for coffee, laughs and the usual that keeps me going every day.

Tomorrow I should be going to see a movie with the ladies, it's been far too long since we've all hung out so I can't wait for that!

The magic of a vacation

I know that it has been almost two weeks since I've been back from Cuba, but I feel that now is a good time to bring up the whole thing and how greatful I am that it happened.

On March 6th, 7 friends (James, Melissa, Alex, Katlynne,Rob, Kate & Jenia) and I headed to Cayo Coco, Cuba for the first time. Not knowing what to expect, we made sure to do our research before departing and brought a medicine cabinet full of cures for a tummy ache. That being said, we needed none of it and the week went smoother than smooth. We spent a week at the Iberostar Daiquiri where we became friends with the staff- the chefs, the receptionists and the bartenders (who soaked us with alcohol all week.) We lazed by the pool, only to get up to apply sunscreen, take a dip in the water and eat at the buffet. For a week, this place became our home away from home, making it harder to leave on the last day. We did everything together, and getting back to reality where we had to live our separate lives was a challenge once we were back in Montreal and had to split up at the airport.

It amazes me how spending one week with the same group of people can make a friendship grow stronger. You learn so much about one another.

The days we spent lying on the beach, with the sand in our toes and our skin soaking in the sun. The pina colada and strawberry daiquiri orders. The endless buffet: pineapple juice & potato balls. The shows and our sexy-walk. The discotheque and dancing with cupid. The random movies and cartoons. Waking everyone up in the morning. Eating coconut by the pool. The walks on the beach finding shells & topless women. The quote book. Getting dressed up every night for dinner. The sandy remains in our beach bags. Pilar Beach (Paradise <3). The Iberostar staff & Star Friends. Speaking spanish. Laughing uncontrollably. The drama night that made us closer. The slow internet connection. The expensive phone call home. The crummy courtesy room. The last night that wasn't supposed to happen. The airport and flight home. The souvenirs from the vendors. The starfish, sand dollars and sea cucumber/penis. The beach chairs. The smell of the ocean breeze. The nights on the balcony. Stolen wine & cuban cigars. Rum & coke?. Sun stroke. Sun burn. Aloe Vera. Pictures. Drawing hearts in the sand. Cuba 2009 <3

Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The water's warm and children swim
And we frolicked about in our summer skin

Ever since this trip, I have been keeping in touch with everyone more than ever before. Last night we went to Dairy Queen (for the first time this season) and the gang gave me an amazing card to congratulate me on my acceptance to John Molson School of Business at Concordia. I am so incredibly thankful to have them all in my life and I don't know where I'd be today without them keeping a smile on my face. Already last night we were talking about planning our next trip, and I am already excited to see where life takes us next. Until then, we will always have the memories that this trip has brought us...

Click HERE to confirm University Application...

It's so offical, it intimidates me... but I did it. I just finished the online part of my university applications to Concordia and McGill. I must say that I felt like Santa Claus "making a list and checking it twice", as I revised my application OVER and over, but it's done. Now I just have to wait and see if I got in... Oh the fear of the unknown, what a powerful thing.

There is no better feeling than laughter

After a difficult couple of days of losing my iPod, and one of my favorite coworkers and being alone once again on Valentine's day, I had a good night on MSN with my best friends. It's amazing how such a crazy bunch of people can mesh so well together. From our idiotic jokes to our inabiity to type, we've got it all! Hahaha

Anyway, I'm off to bed! I'm working at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning and I couldn't be dreading the sound of my alarm clock more.

On the bright side, I am heading to Jenia's tomorrow night to celebrate! We're going to be having a romantic single "ladies" dinner. As always, should be a good time!

In the meantime, here is a hilarious video (thanks Jenia)! Seems like I've started a collection of Ellen videos on this blog. What can I say, she makes me smile!

Hahahaha

This made my morning. Gotta love not having school just so I can watch Ellen at 10am

Chapters: For me, like a day at the spa

I am always amazed how going to Chapters manages to put me in a good mood. I bought three new books today, and I can't wait to read them!
- The Chocolate Lovers' Club by Carole Matthews
- Slumdog Millionaire by Vikas Swarup
- The Gatecrasher by Madeleine Wickham (who is surprisingly Sophie Kinsella. I had no idea that that was her pen name)

I spent a good two hours just walking around and I didn't even look at the books on the second floor, hahaha! I love going there so much and I envy Melissa for having such an awesome job!

I then continued my adventure to a health food store to buy some tea. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's good tea and I can only find it there. Despite my relaxing Chapters trip which ended with a Mezzo Moka Frappacchino, this errand ended with me getting frustrated with the cashier not doing her job properly. I dunno but customer service seems like such an easy concept to me, but somehow people just can't grasp the idea of acting in a humane way with the public!

I also made a pitstop at Walmart to see if they have received any summer clothes for the trip. I found a couple of things, tried them on, got discouraged and left. Although I have lost 7 pounds since my last post, I still have some work to do.

Live, I want to live inspired.

Never have I been the skinny kid. I've always had the chubby thighs, the love handles, the ghetto-fabulous toosh, the jiggly arms...I've always hated every little bit of my body and I think this has a lot to do with my overall confidence in life when it comes to looking nice, caring about how I look and relationships (definitely).

I've tried diets, and none of them have worked. I've tried going to the gym before and nope that didn't work either. I think I've finally pinpointed the problem though... It's fine and dandy to try and eat the right foods and combine that with excercise but if you don't have your mind in a place where you are determined to lose weight, you never will. My optimistic attitude is starting to kick in (slowly but surely) and I am determined this time around to make changes.

With my Cuba trip coming up, I know that I am going to look like a beached whale on the sandy beaches, but I don't care. As long as I start losing weight before the trip and I keep working towards my goals after the trip, I'm okay with that.

I went to the gym with James today and I had forgotten what the muscle pain felt like after a work out... I love it.

I've got my life in the palm of my hands and it's up to me to take it and live it to the best of my ability or throw it away and continue living like an over 200lbs slob. I'm clenching on it tight this time, and I am not going to let my dreams slip away. I'm going to work hard, push away temptation and most importantly be happier with myself.

I'll be updating this more often and logging my progress too, and I promise... This time, it's going to happen!