In the last couple of days I have gone through so many emotions: confusion, anger, disbelief, and sadness. I don't know which one of these I have finally settled on, but the combination of all of them has allowed me to write this blog today.
In a nutshell, I received a very unexpected email the other night. It was addressed to myself and my best friends, giving us the overall message that our friendship between us was pretty much over. At the time, I didn't know what to think and still to this day I re-read the email to try and figure out what could have caused it. Don't get me wrong, the email was filled with emotion and I respect that but due to the nature of the whole thing and the manner that it was presented to me, I am left insulted and incredibly confused. One minute we were talking, everything was dandy and the next BANG! It was like she spat in my face, and thanked me for nothing. Who knew that 5 years of friendship could disapear by the time I finished reading her email.
Forgive and forget. Not this time. I may have forgiven you for what you said, because obviously there is something going on in your life and you feel that this is the way to cure it. That being said, why us? I find it quite ironic that right after you told me that you were depressed, and right before I read your email I said: "I hope I can help." You snatched that opportunity right from me. Even though we haven't been the closest friends lately, I've always felt that we could be there for each other. I guess, due to the new circumstances, things will have to change.
I know what I replied in my email was harsh.
I know that the words probably hurt.
I know that you probably felt like I was being "my usual bitchy self."
I know that you probably felt targeted.
I know that you probably didn't see my side of the coin.
I know that you ended it for good this time.
And I know that I meant what I said.
I've learned a lot since high school, more than you probably think.
I've learned when to take a step back and when to let life take it's course.
I've learned to embrace the things that come to me, and work hard for things that don't.
I've learned to smile, and for real now.
I've learned to make the right choices, for myself and for those that I care about.
I've learned what it's like to have friends that care; the ones that make life worth it.
...and now I have to teach myself how to lose one.
You really hurt me by sending me that email, especially without valid warning.
I hope it was worth it for you. Have a nice life.
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