Spontaneous Vacation

38 Days 

Booked a spontaneous vacation with two of my good friends, Mandy and Kim. I'm counting down the days until I get to lie on the beach and just relax :) 

People criticize me for going on vacation so often... It keeps me sane. If I could, I would get up and leave for much longer, trust me.

Here is where we're going to be staying in Varadero, Cuba!

MEMORIES VARADERO BEACH RESORT

Your secret is safe with me...

This is probably going to be the most honest I have been in a long time, but I feel like I need to be. It's part of the process, and for those that are out there reading this that are facing the same challenges as me - read and learn.

I started this month on such a good foot. I received a phone call from the owner of my fitness studio saying that all my hard work in November/December paid off and that I won the Little Black Dress Contest. I had successfully lost 10.5lbs in a month, about 15 inches off my whole body and was at my lowest weight since probably high school. I was thrilled. Not only do I never win anything, it was so enlightening to see that every minute I put in at the gym was showing results.

Then, I don't know what happened. Slowly, I just gave into temptation, and I began feeding my body food that I wouldn't normally eat. I would snack because I was bored, and come home feeling hungry and eat until I went to bed feeling full. As soon as people would go to bed, I would raid the cupboards and find something to eat... Often, I would have two snacks because salty food always tasted better after being complemented with sweet (and vice-versa). I felt like if I ate and no one saw me doing it, I wouldn't be guilty. I was only fooling myself. Secret eating is nothing to be proud of, and I realize that this has been my downfall from the beginning. I have no problem getting the exercise done, it's the nutrition part that I have always struggled with. Even at that, I would like to think that I know what kind of healthy choices to make, but for some reason, come nightfall I always get super hungry and that's when I make all the bad choices and essentially sabotage my body.

All this to say, the 10lbs that I lost in November/December are back. I gained each one of them back in January. When I stepped on the scale yesterday I almost burst into tears, but I used it more as a lesson to myself. I was so MAD that I let myself just waste away like that. Was anything that I ate worth it? Not one bit. They say that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, and I firmly believe that; but then, why did I let myself ruin my past success?

I wish I had an answer.

I gave myself a challenge to be at my goal weight for my birthday. As I look at the calendar, I realize that it's virtually impossible to lose about 45lbs in 60 days.

I think my problem is that I am concentrating on awarding myself once I cross the finish line and I am forgetting that if I focus on achieving small goals, I'll eventually attain the big goal.

THE PLAN:

February 7: -2lbs

February 14: -3lbs

February 21: no weigh in (FLORIDA!!!)

February 28: -5lbs (two weeks of work, since I won't be weighing myself on the 21st)

March 6: -2lbs

March 13: -2lbs

March 20: -2lbs

March 27: -2lbs

April 3: -5lbs (Birthday present to myself! I will push myself even more this week because I will want to make my last weigh-in before my birthday count)

Total: ~23lbs

-- With that in mind, I should be in the 170's... Let's do it!

Another thing that I am going to start doing, and I have to give credit to Melissa for this, is start a food/fitness journal. I use MyFitnessPal on a frequent basis and I also have a dry-erase board on my wall that I keep track of everything, but I think that if I start actually taking the time to write my feelings down it'll sway me away from temptation. Instead of hitting the fridge or the pantry, I'll take out my notebook and write how I am feeling down. I think this will be therapeutic and help me quite a bit. I feel like I am entering my own version of a rehab centre... receiving healing treatment for my addiction with food. At the end of the day, I have let myself become an emotional eater that does her damage in secret.

... I'm reading back on everything that I wrote and I'm getting upset that I let myself do this again I'm tired of making promises to myself and not following through with it.

Okay, enough sulking. Time to do this.

my favourite song will tell you more than my mouth ever will.

It's 1:18am and my alarm is going off in 4.75hrs for work.

I don't know what's wrong with me... there's something about the night time and sleeping that brings out this whole other side of me.

i used to be the type of person who would fall asleep as soon as my head would hit the pillow
Lately, it takes everything for me to put my mind to rest and fall asleep. I stare at the ceiling and think...and think some more.
If someone were to ask me what's wrong, I wouldn't know what to tell them. But there is... I just haven't figured it out completely

TWO ZERO ONE TWO

Goals and resolutions for 2012:

1) Finally achieve my goal weight of ~150lbs (Lose 35-40lbs) by my Birthday (April 3) OR by the summer at the latest

PART ONE:

I'm really serious about this. I have had this in mind for the last two years, and I haven't been really strict about achieving it. Now that I have gotten into the mindset that I can actually do it, nothing can stop me now.

How I plan to do it:

- Going to the gym at least three times/week (35 minutes elliptical training + weights) in addition to any classes I take

- Fitness classes

• Zumba at school Monday & Wednesday
• Spinning classes at the gym Wednesday & Friday
• Boot-camp, Zumba and Yoga classes at Cielo whenever I can

- Tracking my meals and food intake by using My Fitness Pal

- Dry Erase Board in my room. I put this up in November and it has really helped me keep track of the exercise I am doing every day, my weigh in dates, goals and milestones.

- When it gets warmer, I am going to start running again. I have never particularly enjoyed running on the treadmill, so I think I will make the best progress once Spring comes.

- Keeping myself motivated through others. One of my friend's is also overweight and she told me the other night that she is ready for a "lifestyle change". Well, we'll change our lives together.

I'm also a huge (no pun intended...) fan of the Biggest Loser, and watching the show really motivates me.

PART TWO:

Reward myself for my accomplishments

... Can you tell that this is important to me?

2) Graduate from University

Wow... this is a scary thought. The "real" world is approaching so fast. It's crazy to think that one year from now I will have graduated and have my bachelor's degree.

3) Read 20 books: Five out of the twenty must be read using my Kobo Reader

So, I didn't do as well as I would have hoped last year with this type of goal, but I'm going to give it another shot...

4) Go on three vacations

- Orlando, Florida (February 2012)

- ______________ (Summer 2012)

- ______________ (????)

I would really like to go back to NYC, so maybe I'll make that happen this year.

5) Become a runner

This is an interesting goal because I have never particularly enjoyed running but I always imagine myself doing it. I know that makes little sense, but it's true. There is something about going for a jog that is just liberating and it really clears my mind.

Here are my running goals for the year:

- Participate in the CIBC Run for the Cure; 5km (October 2012) Goal: <30 mins

- Run the Oasis Half Marathon; 21km (September 23 2012) Goal: Finish Strong

- Run 365km through out the year... One for every day.

6) Clean, organize and redecorate my room

For most people their bedroom is a place of relaxation... almost like a sanctuary. For me, recently, it's become a place to sleep. I have things EVERYWHERE and it's so unorganized. I always tell myself that I am going to clean it but I never get around to it because "better" things get in the way. I really need to sort through everything and give away what I can and throw away what I can't. Once all that is done, I want to print out a bunch of pictures and recreate my space.

7) Continue to "give back"

Over this last year, I have really found my passion for charity work. I have always enjoyed organizing events and giving back to the community, but I feel like last year, especially with CASA Cares, this passion has strengthened.

The plan:

- Donate blood at least five times

In 2011, I overcame my fear of blood tests. On a random afternoon I decided to give my first donation and although I was terrified I did it. I was so happy that I did once I found out that I have an O- blood type and I am universal blood donor. I gave three donations in 2011.

- Donate at least $15000 to the Montreal Children's Hospital (CASA Cares Fashion Show: March 2012)

- Encourage friends who are participating in charity events by giving them a donation

- Become involved somehow with the Canadian Obesity Foundation

- Donate my hair to the CanDonate Hair Program that provides children (under 16 years old) with cancer a wig

8) Go on my first first date

I'd rather not discuss this one... I always joke about dying alone, breeding cats, getting a creaky rocking chair and a shot gun for my porch, but at the end of the day, this whole "romance" topic upsets me. I'm turning 23 this year...

9) Hand-write a letter to myself and open it a year from now

*Credit to Melissa and Jenia for this idea*

I think it would be pretty cool to see how I change this year. I have a feeling that 2012 will bring tons of amazing things, and it'll be fun to look back on what I was thinking about on the first day of the year.

10) Be happy.

I know this is a pretty ridiculous goal to have. What does it even mean to be happy? We spend a good portion of our lives pursuing this feeling. So many people are driven to "live life to its fullest" and have "no regrets", but at the end of the day, do we?

This year - as much as I adore helping others and being generous - I really want to focus on myself a little more. Often, I put aside my feelings and needs to satisfy those of other people. I'm not saying this a bad thing, nor do I intend on stopping that completely because it's part of who I am, but I am tired of giving to those that don't necessarily deserve that extra treatment. Winning the "the person with the biggest heart" award at my work Christmas party in 2011 was an amazing feeling, and no one can take that away from me. I am who I am.

I want to be able to be surrounded by people that love me just as much as I do them. Friendships aren't one sided. To me, my friends are my family.

As much as I love to care, in certain situations I have to stop. I've learned over the last couple of months that I'm not a miracle-worker, nor a fairy godmother. I can't wave a magic wand and heal people's problems. I can listen. I can give advice. I can't fix the un-fixable. I have to remember that.

I love taking pictures. People that I go out with are often annoyed that I am always capturing the moments that we're sharing, others just smile for the camera and enjoy it. I won't change that about myself, and I plan to continue taking pictures through out the year. It makes me happy.

I want to avoid unnecessary drama, and try and live a zen life. I don't want to become careless but carefree, there's a difference. Negativity won't get you anywhere, and complaining will only make you sink. Open up your eyes, the world is a beautiful place.

I want to look back on 2012 and say to myself "Yep, I did it right."

Happy New Year to everyone who took the time to read this. May 2012 bring you lots of health and happiness!

Bye 2011

Here are the goals that I gave myself for 2011 (ELEVEN GOALS FOR 2011):

Let's see how I did...

1) Continue to live a healthy lifestyle and hopefully reach my goal weight by the beginning of summer. If that's the case, I have about 50lbs to lose. I'm feeling fat just thinking about it haha!

ACCOMPLISHED. Technically failed, but I consider myself successful.
This is a tough one...
The beginning of 2011 was horrible. After completing a 6-week detox program and losing 18lbs, I completely lost myself. I picked up my old habits, and gained back all 18lbs and an additional 7lbs. I was basically back at where I started. I'm not going to create any excuses for the sabotage that I caused to my body, but I have definitely restarted on a better path. As I have blogged before, I now know that you can't expect to change your life through dieting; it just doesn't happen that way. The first thing you have to do is get your mind into gear, and then the body will follow. It's not hard to get up and go to the gym a couple of times a week, that's the easy part. What's difficult is to resist temptation, keep a positive mindset and a controlled plan to achieve your goals. Before I went to Greece I decided to drop all that additional weight I had gained in the six months after my detox program. Before my trip, I lost 15lbs, bringing me down to 205lbs. Coming home, I struggled a little bit to get readjusted to my non-traveler lifestyle and gained about 5lbs. Then it hit me. My life changed from there. Since September, I have lost 26lbs and I am now at my lowest weight since probably the beginning of high school: 189.6lbs. GOOD BYE TWO HUNDREDS!!! I can't wait to see what 2012 brings for me.

2) SCHOOLschoolSCHOOLschool: Put some "B+"s and "A"s on my transcript & Make the switch into BComm (Finance major)

1/2 FAIL.
I am still in BAdmin, but I am taking Finance courses and not setting myself back towards finishing my degree. My grades have definitely improved over the last year and so has my overall outlook on school. Now that I have joined CASA Cares, you would think I would have a lot less time to concentrate on academics since I am constantly organizing events, and I do... BUT, I have found a new love for University and it drives me to do well. I want to leave JMSB feeling proud for what I have accomplished over the years, not only with the letter grades on my transcript but through the lives that I have changed and the people that I have met. I think that's important.

3) Participate in the 'Run for the Cure' (Oct 2, 2011); Run the 5km in under 30mins

ACCOMPLISHED.
This event was definitely one of the highlights of my year. When I first blogged about participating in this charity event, I thought I would be running alone. Little did I know, I got my best friend on board and the entire CASA Cares team. Together, we raised $4519 for the foundation!!! I ran the race on October 2nd, and crossed the finish line at 36mins. I know it's not the 30 minutes that I had originally hoped for but I'll take it. The fact that I got to experience this day with so many amazing people, and raise that much money for a cause I care about is enough for me.

4)Go on a road trip somewhere in the U.S. to see a concert. (I'm sure Mel, Jenia and Jenn would be up for it...Am I right,ladies?)

ACCOMPLISHED.
On June 2nd, I took a mini road-trip to Burlington, Vermont with Melissa, Alex and Chloe to see Jimmy Eat World. Honestly, it was probably one of the best concerts that I have ever been to. There is something about this band's music that pulls at my heart-strings. They are my favorite band. There is just something about their music that puts me in a happy place whether I am relaxing, doing homework or driving.

5) Be spontaneous and book a vacation

ACCOMPLISHED.
Going to Orlando, Florida for Spring Break 2012. Gonna become a wizard with two best friends, and visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios!

6) Save more money! I make approximately $220/week, where is all my money going?!

1/2 ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm really good at saving money and budgeting... but I am even better at spending it on vacations and excursions.

7) Read at least 20 books. (I read 15 books last year) One of the books has to be written in Greek. Also, read newspapers/magazines more often to keep up with what's going on in the (business)world.

FAIL.
I only read 12 books this year
I bought a Greek book while I was in Greece but I haven't read it yet
I have definitely been reading more about current events. Thanks to Twitter, I get the daily Gazette headlines

8) Learn how to play Konstantine on the piano (Thanks for the awesome gift, Mel <3 )

FAIL.

I actually completely forgot about this goal... Wow.

9) Tell people how I feel. Whether it be when I'm upset by something, or to tell them that I love them. I tend to bottle-up my emotions...It's time to pop the cork on this bottle. Remember to smile big, and mean it.

ACCOMPLISHED.

Although I still have a long way to go, I feel like I have definitely been a lot more open about my feelings. It's never been easy for me to just talk about what's going on in my life, and I still often need people to make the first move and ask me how I am before I tell them. I remember having many heart-to-hearts with the girls while in Greece, and I have become increasingly open about my weight-loss journey. Baby steps. I still consider myself a bit of a mystery, and to a certain extent I think I'll always keep that way... I am always there to offer my opinion and be the listener in a group of friends, but I've never been the type to openly seek help. There's definitely a select couple of people that I turn to though whenever I need to talk. This year, I definitely smiled and I meant every smile. That's one thing I never held back. When I was unhappy, I didn't put on a mask. I really appreciate the moments that made me smile this year, and I have the friends I got closer to this year to thank for that.

10) Spend a day being a tourist in my own city; Visit a museum, go for dinner at a restaurant I've never been to, stay in a hotel, do things I haven't done before

ACCOMPLISHED.

Although I didn't necessarily feel like a tourist, here are some things that I did this year in Montreal that I've never done before:

- Ice skate at the Quays in the Old Port

- Try some authentic Chinese food at a restaurant that I can't pronounce

- Participate in the Run for the Cure

- See the Lion King on Broadway

- Stay at the Fairmont Queen Elizabeth Hotel for Halloween

- Get a free bottle of champagne at 737 for my 22nd Birthday

- Go to a club and see a celebrity perform live (Karl Wolf at the JMSB End of Semester Party)

- Parallel park my car perfectly on Ste-Catherine street on a busy afternoon

11) ________ (blank) Let's see what I'll fill this blank with at the end of the year. ACCOMPLISHED.

One word...Greece. <3

FINAL SCORE: Accomplished 8/11

Back From The Dead

Wow, the last time I wrote a blog post, I was in Greece! Not only did I not write about my wonderful times in Santorini but I haven't been keeping you posted on life at all. Shame on me.

I'm not going to go into the nitty-gritty of things, but I will try and summarize what I have been up to lately.
This semester has seriously flown by, and to think that I have less than a month of school left before the Christmas holidays is both exciting and terrifying. I have so much to do in that little time, but I can't wait to be off for three weeks and to just enjoy myself a little.

My life has consisted of four aspects: School, Work, Getting Healthy and Social Life (although minimal).

School has been pretty good! My grades are definitely a lot better than they have been over the last couple of semesters so I am definitely proud of that. What has really made the difference this semester is that I am part of CASA Cares. These people have become amazing friends, and together we are doing something that I love: organizing events for charity. I love going out of my way to give back to the community, so to be part of an association that has a sole purpose to do just that is beyond exciting for me. We have had tons of successful events! Our biggest success so far this semester was participating in the Run for the Cure. We raised $4519 for the cause :) This month we have the Comedy Show, Band Night and Auditions for Concordia's Next Top Model. Tons of planning, and volunteering ahead but I've been loving every minute of it.

Work is work. Some days I just want to hand in my resignation and other days I have so much fun with my Maxi Crew that I can't imagine myself finding another job. It's a weird feeling. It gets overwhelming at times, especially now that I work as a cashier/supervisor/financial technician/human resources administrator (aka slave). I have learned every possible thing that I can possible know as a part-time employee, and although it can get stressful at times, I seize any opportunity to learn more. In addition, I also organize events for our social club too. I have raised almost $250 by organizing activities, and inflating the prices ever so slightly to make a profit. The money that I get from these events will help us buy Christmas presents for the employees at our Christmas party.

Getting healthy has really been a priority for me lately. Ever since I came back from Greece, I have been extra vigilant with my weight loss and I have created concrete goals for myself. I'm just going to mention right now that I am not ashamed to tell you how much I weigh, because I am hoping that someone out there will read this post and get inspired from it too. What people don't realize is that weight is a number, but the way you feel is what should drive you to become a better version of you. Anyway, all this to say, I started my "new" weight loss journey back from Greece at 210lbs. Since then, I have dropped down to 196lbs (HEY ONEderland, nice to see you again!)
My goals:
1) Get under 200lbs (DONE Achieved November 1st)
2) 175lbs by January 3rd 2012 (Start the New Year on the right path)
3) 150lbs by April 3rd 2012 (My 23rd Birthday)
*I realize that those are pretty ambitious goals, but I am striving to get close to them. I don't think I'll hit the 150lb mark, but if I am hovering around 150-160lbs, I think I'll be happy with that. What most of you don't know, I probably weighed that much in the 6th or 7th grade. Mhmm...

I'm really feeling good about myself lately, there is just something about hard work that makes me smile. When I leave the gym and I am drenched from sweating or making myself a healthy creative meal, I feel amazing. When I look at myself in the mirror and realize that my "skinny" jeans are are not so skinny and becoming baggy, that is such a big motivator. I want to feel good and unleash this skinny girl inside me. I feel like over the years I have been trapped in my own insecurities... time to feel free.
I've already started compiling goals that I want to achieve in 2012, I can't wait to share them with you!

Although my social life is basically non-existent, I definitely make a point to see my friends and spend time with the family. I really enjoy getting together with James, Jess and Alannah for tea at Jessica's house. We sit for a couple hours and just catch up on life, and laugh A LOT.
I would never pass up a good time with my best friend, Melissa either. She always manages to put me in an amazing mood when I see her. There's something about spending time with your close friends like Mel, Selina or Kate to put you right back on track.
Then there's those special moments with people that you don't see as often as you would like... Jenia is one of those people. We all have a friend that just brings tons of positive care-free energy. She is exactly one of those people. I can always be myself around her, and let my goofiness show.
We have to remember, no matter how busy life can get, we always have to make time for the people that we love.

That's pretty much it for now, I'll try to write more often... promise.

MYKONOS

So the adventure continued and on we went to Mykonos and what an adventure it was.
We knew that we had an early morning ahead of us because we had booked a 7:30am ferry, so we could take advantage of our stay in Mykonos, but we had no idea how early we actually had to be awake.
The alarm on Mel's iPhone woke us up at 4:15am in Athens, and we headed- in the dark- to catch the train at 5:15am. It was so FUN dragging a 50lb suitcase in the dark down a sketchy alley in Athens...good times. Anyway, so we boarded the ferry had no where to sit, so we sat in a cafe for 5 hours, and arrived in Mykonos at 1:30pm. We had arranged to get a lift from the port to the hotel, and after some searching, we realized that they weren't there to get us. I made a quick phone call and three minutes later the nicest man, Andreas, came to get us.
It was once we arrived to the hotel that we realized that we were in for some of the best days of our trip.
The hotel was situated on top of a hill, so we had the most spectacular view from our hotel room. The rooms were perfect too! Our shower, I kid you not, could have fit the four of us in it at once. Besides the amazing rooms and daily breakfasts in the dining room (YUMMY Yogurt & Honey), we quickly became very comfortable with the hotel staff who was constantly there to help us with anything we needed. They were all so friendly, we were all so sad to leave on our last day.

Here are some highlights from the trip

DAY ONE
- Afternoon at the beach (Agios Stefanos). There was sand whipping us in every direction. I was covered in it by the end of the afternoon. Definitely a treat to get it all out of my hair
- Late lunch at an Irish Pub
- Appaloosa's for nachos and drinks at night after exploring some of the shops

DAY TWO
- Paraga Beach (sipping Mythos beer by the ocean)
- Shopping in town for souvenirs
- First Greek Baklava from a local bakery

DAY THREE
- Paradise Beach
- Oven baked pizza & ice cream for lunch at the beach
- 'Verdana' for drinks (Peach daiquiri) for the sunset. We had the opportunity to take tons of pictures of the sunset and the famous five windmills
- Walking around and shopping in Little Venice
- Gyro and fries for dinner at Jimmy's
- Clubbing at 'Down Under' bar; sticky finger shots, tequila, good looking Aussie doorman, dancing, funny pictures and laughing

Random Memories:
- Sitting in the room talking
- Catching up on the Internet (Hooray for free-wifi)
- Amazing hotel staff (If anyone plans on travelling to Mykonos anytime soon, go to Rhenia Bungalows. HIGHLY recommended by the four of us!)
- Their pets! PUPPIES <3 and turtles in the garden
- The walk up the hill to get to the hotel; gotta exercise those glutes haha
- Topless Italian women at the beaches...quite the sight.
- The view of the city from the hotel
- All the hilarious gay men (James, this made Mel and I really miss you!)
- Getting free shots in every restaurant/bar we went to! (Dear Montreal, this never happens back home. Just saying...)
- People thinking that we're Australian ("Oh, you're Canadian! That makes sense, Canadian's read on the beach!" ...Which is all we did.)

As always, here are some pictures for you to look at!
Hope Montreal isn't missing us too much
Love,
Agnes